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Or 'if'','what' and 'when' for that matter. I love questions. It gives a starting point for conversation; it shows that someone is interested in you and what you have to say. It is the vessel in which we bring light to the dark, and clear up any misconceptions.
So with all the good a question can accomplish, why do some of these issues come up? Why is it that a question can sometimes feel like an attack especially when it's in written form? Why does a question have the ability to make someone doubt themselves? Why does a question make a person feel they need to have an answer when sometimes there isn't one?
I will be to first to admit that I am a sensitive cancer, but it is very funny how I can take the same question so many different ways.For example: 'Why did you cut/take down your locs?' Sometimes when someone asks this I feel like they are concerned about me as a person and they want to know if something happened. They want to know if there was some disturbance in my home life, did I change my religion, my job etc. It is nice to feel you have made such an impact on a person that though you have never met, they give you the same regard that they would a friend and are genuinely concerned about my well being. Sometimes I feel it is from the stand point of 'let me find out what happened to her so I won't do that same shit', for instance if I did a bad dye job or used a product that ruined my locs and directly leading to me taking them out. Which is cool, any suffering I can prevent by example I am all for it. Sometimes I feel like they really want to say 'What the hell you do that for?' or 'Girl you shouldn't have done that?
' or 'You done fucked up now' or 'You were pretty, but now your just'..eh?. At these times I feel like saying something equally as attacking like 'well why you woke up this morning?' or 'Am I a child' or 'Cause I felt like it'. But all they asked was 'why?' Inquiry or accusation?
Which one is it? I see this happen a lot though, not just to me. How many times have you heard this scenario or been a part of it directly?You or somebody wears makeup every day, the one day you don't-'OMG girl what happened to you?? 'Are you sick?' 'Running late this morning?' Maybe she ain?t fucking feel like it today!!!! Maybe something really happened to her that morning, how much worse do you think you are making her feel coming at her like that? Or maybe she will be just fine with it and go into the hows and the whys?---you know how we do.. 'GGGUUURRRRLLLLL let me tell you blah blah blah?'
I got the 'why' when i cut off my hair.
I got the 'why' when i started my locs.
Maybe it's the shock of it all that makes us lose our tack. I?m sure I've done it; It is only human to mean something one way but have somebody take it another.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Why Ask Why?
Posted by Shawnta at 10:16 PM
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11 comments:
I think people should be allowed to feel what they need to feel when certain questions are asked. I'm a water sign also [Pisces] and I am super-duper sensitive. It's hard for anyone to ask me anything!
Amazing isn't it...
Some people are just afraid of change. So when they see someone else make changes, they make a big deal about it. And I think those type of people are really pissed off when they see you actually LIKE your changes.
I think that people r just naturally curious, ESPECIALLY, those of us who r A. Cancerians such as yourself and therefore even more sensitive and inquisitive than the average human or B. newly loced ppl that want 2 be fore-warned if something weird happens at about the 7th yr. mark were u want 2 just "cut off" all of the work and begin a new journey.
Ok, Ok, I have another spin on this issue, after taking a unscientific poll. A woman with extremely long locs is a rare, rare, rare occasion whereas we see women with shoulder length hair all of the time and it is not so special.
As a cancer myself I can identify with what shawnta has expressed because when we cancers want change and we feel the need for change so strong we will indefintely make that change for the better good of ourselves, due to the fact that if we dont. we will feel like a prisoner stuck, immobile in one place. So i say that to say change for me means moving into a whole other realm of being. we cancers like change when something or someone does not work with us or for us or we lose the love and luster for whatever it may be!
Wow this post really hit home. I'm a pisces sun, cancer rising so it doesn't take much to upset me . Even somebodies glance or facial expression can upset me let alone their words. I think the key is really to invest in things that are totaly 100% nourishing and comformtable so you feel energetic and happy. Things like yoga, meditation and especially exercise for me. Anything that lifts your spirit.
When you find happiness and energy within it becomes easier to fend of people (with words off course) and respond to their sarcasm or objections in ways that are more effective. It's sad to say but people often say things just to upset other people. Wether you realize it or not somebody could be secretly threatened by whatever it is you have and that they long for. I've been dealing a lot with this myself and it can really make me very sad. But investing in positivity can help a lot I think :-)
I'm not a Sun Cancer but my natal chart is lousy with Water signs (Moon in Pisces, Mars in Scorpio, Cancer Ascendant) so being accused of and feeling hypersensitive is something that happens to me often. However, when it comes to questions on one's appearance, I think we're all going to be a little sensitive when that's being questioned. The thing goes that you need to love yourself completely and at all times, but for some of us it's not always going to be 100% there, so the questions can be intimidating even when they're not meant to be.
When I cut off my locs, it was after years of people telling me, "Oh, your hair would be so pretty and long if it were straight," and me cutting them off was a direct result of that pressure more than anything else. My baby sister has long, full, beautiful straight hair and I felt somehow deficient in my locks that I couldn't match her. I realized soon after that my hair doesn't act like her hair (it's a limp mess when straightened and refuses to grow), and that I had more beauty with dreads or a natural equivalent than when I'm trying to make my hair be something I'm not.
I was really sensitive to questions about my hair because of my own insecurities, but even besides that, questions can sometimes be intrusive and when you don't have an answer or you know your answer won't be liked, it's human to just wish people could accept things as they are without needing to question. But questions make us human, and sometimes being asked can make us realize why we love something so much. If more people had asked me why I got dreads and got me thinking about why instead of telling me how pretty my hair would be straightened, I probably would've known what I stood for and never have cut them in the first place. It's been three years, and I still regret the decision.
Sorry for this too-long-don't-read comment, lol.
i feel u, theses days i tend to tell ppl to kiss my a$$ pretty quickly. it has truly helped ;)
Beautifully said; I couldn't agree with you more. This year, as a sixteen year old, I cut off my shoulder-length, texturized hair and started locs.
Of course I got the, "'But girl it was so long!' 'Why?'" etc. But I had to finally look at myself and realize that the only person I needed to justify anything to was myself. I am happy with locs and feel just as, if not more, beautiful than I did before. Life is all about questions and change, I think the real test is being able to answer them for yourself.
Much success to you in all endeavors Shawnta.
I am a Cancer, so I am sensitive to everything around me! Another poster said something about Cancerians and change and I must agree. When we are pulled in a direction of change, we are so restless until that change is made. I too have had locs for 8 years now, so they are down my back. I have been hinting around to folks that I am considering taking them down so that I can run a comb through my loose naps after all this time. Of course I get all kinds of responses...your locs are so long; your locs fit you; i don't know if you would look right without locs; etc. Of course due to my sensitivities, I am sent into a tailspin and cannot figure out what to do. I realize that I must sit with myself and do what I feel is best for me.
Thanks for such an insightful post!
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